Hide yo Kids, Hide yo Wives – Paris Hilton’s Going on Tour 0

by Hila • News • Tags: , , ,

Paris Hilton's whore-ified reaction to house music before it was a trend.

The most useless woman in show business is now the most useless woman in electronic dance music. Aside from tweeting pictures of Afrojack, having someone from her entourage slap Steve Angello for playing house music, and talking about drunk texting on a remake of a Manufactured Superstars track, Paris Hilton has contributed as much to dance music as that grimy drug dealer who tries to pass Advils off as ecstacy at raves* every weekend.

A few months ago, when Paris Hilton announced she’d be infecting dance music with her repertoire of STDs, I took to BeatDreams to vent about it. In case you missed it, here it is again.

They said the world would end in 2012 and they were right. Only a little over a week has passed since 2012 graced us and we’re already hit with a tragedy – Paris Hilton announced plans to release a house album.
Hilton based her credibility as a qualified house music artist on the simple facts that she’s been to 100 raves in the past year, as well as tweaking Afrojack’s (k)nob as recently as NYE.
Hilton states “I have a huge passion for house music. It always has been my passion. I just haven’t been able to focus on it, because I have been doing reality TV for so long now”. That one quote raises so many thoughts so I’m just going to throw them out there:

1) “…I just haven’t been able to focus on it, because I have been doing reality TV for so long now”:
Reality TV? Is she talking about The Simple Life (which ended 5 years ago)? Or the videos of her displaying such a low IQ and boring personality, she makes fucking a garburator look more exciting than fucking the stale peanut butter & jelly sandwich that is between her legs?
Oh wait, that’s right, she’s been too busy trying to multi-task chewing gum while drinking and driving.

2) “I have a huge passion for house music. It always has been my passion”:
Remember WMC 2009 – when Steve Angello was DJing a 1OAK party and Hilton thought he was her private karaoke machine for the night so she told him to play hip-hop? What did she say about the music he was playing? Thaaat’s right! She said the music “was not even danceable and was frankly giving me a migraine” and here’s another really cute quote of her being a super passionate house music fan and pretending not to know who Steve Angello is because she’s just like…so h0t, “The DJ (I don’t even know his name cause he sucks so bad) was playing the worst music ever!”

Oh ma gawd.

Paris, I can see how having the entire materialistic world at your fingertips can become quite boring at times and that you need to find things to stimulate the ball of lint rolling around in your skull, but music is NOT your thing. Remember “Stars are Blind”? You made ears go deaf.
Aspiring musicians who have REAL passion for house music, invest their hard-earned money and time into perfecting their craft and most will never get the chance to expose more than their close family and friends to their music. Like old school hip-hop, house music is a culture of its own. It’s a way of life. The passion people have for it can’t be bought with grandpa’s money and unlike Paris Hilton’s herpes, talent isn’t born over night.

Any true DJ and/or producer who had to work their ass off to get to where they are will never affiliate themselves with the rundown Hilton (except for Afrojack who’s only in it for the pussy anyway) – and that’s about the only thing I can find comfort in right now.

I have to admit, a part of me is excited for Paris Hiton’s debut behind the decks. I can picture review critics now, “700 People Show up for Hilton, Get Motel 8 Instead”, “Paris Hilton Sucked on the Dicks” … I meant “decks”, “Paris Hilton Sucked on the Decks”.

I’m going to start a support group for the Beaten and Battered by Bullshit – a place where we can all vent our frustrations over all the bullshit the mainstream music industry is trying to pawn off as talent.

*Raves – Parties held in underground lairs where electronic music (also known as the moans of Satan) is blared and ravers die because electronic music, strobe lights, and lasers make you OD. Also, an archaic word used by people in need of hearing aids to denigrate an entire genre of music and stigmatize everyone who listens to it. Why are we still using this word?

Hila

Writer / Photographer at BeatDreams
I love food and music. If my dinner could sing to me, I'd marry it. I like to pretend like the world is a music video for the song I'm listening to. I don't sleep because the only people who can get enough done in 24 hours are under the age of 3. Tupac wondered if heaven has a ghetto but I wonder if hell is reincarnating as a turtle. Creativity is what drives me and inspiration is my fuel. I dream of world peace and candy but I'll take great music over both any day.